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1. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot)

After 12 years of marriage, Alan's wife, Judith, kicks him out. He turns to his older brother, Charlie, for help. Charlie has trouble adjusting his carefree lifestyle with the presence of his ten-year old nephew.

2. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 2 - Big Flappy Bastards)

Alan punishes Jake for an incident at Judith's house. Charlie is lax in enforcing Alan's restrictions, then some seagulls invade Charlie's house as a result of Jake's actions, Charlie has to learn how to discipline his nephew.

3. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 3 - Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell)

Charlie and Alan go out drinking. Alan tries to reconcile with his wife. After that fails, they decide to confront the root of their issues, their mother.

4. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 4 - If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap)

As Charlie tries to write a new jingle, Berta quits. Alan tries to convince her to come back. Leaving Charlie to get Jake ready for a dinner. And Rose tries to get Charlie's help to prepare for a date.

5. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 5 - The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump)

Jake's soccer games lead to Alan and Charlie having encounters with teammates' sexy mothers.

6. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 6 - Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?)

Charlie and Evelyn date members of the same family.

7. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 7 - If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake)

Jake sees a butterfly tattoo on the firm bottom of a surfer-chick friend of Charlie's and draws a picture of it for school. Of course, this enrages Judith until she becomes very good friends with the woman herself.

8. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 8 - Twenty-five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful)

After being tricked into helping Alan and Judith produce Jake's classroom musical, Charlie is flattered to find out that the kids know all the words to his jingles. Alan is blind-sided with divorce papers from Judith, causing strife which results in Charlie, who refuses to deal with the pre-pubers without a snootful, having to produce the play on his own. Jake is crushed when he realizes that a reconciliation between his parents may never happen.

9. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 9 - Phase One, Complete)

Charlie wants to dump a female friend to whom Jake has grown attached. Alan and Rose bond over a game of Scrabble.

10. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 10 - Merry Thanksgiving)

Thanksgiving winds up being the least thankful day of the year for Charlie, who has to bribe various members of his household to even come to a traditional turkey dinner. Not only are the usual feuds in evidence (leading to a turkey-carving right out of "Psycho") but Judith's parents are actually sympathetic to Alan and hostile to their own daughter for her "fling" with lesbianism.

11. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 11 - Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor)

Seeing Judith's new look and boyfriend prompts Alan to realize that if he wants to get back into the dating scene, he will need to change his look also.

12. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 12 - Camel Filters and Pheromones)

Berta brings her 16 year old granddaughter to work. She poses issues for the men.

13. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 13 - Sarah Like Puny Alan)

Charlie tries to nurse Alan back from the flu because he needs him for a double date with sisters.

14. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 14 - I Can't Afford Hyenas)

Charlie's accountant Stan tries to make Charlie understand his desperate financial situation.

15. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 15 - Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick)

Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie--against Alan's advice.

16. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 16 - That Was Saliva, Alan)

Now that Frankie has tricked the Harpers into taking her and her daughter Joanie in, she explains that Bob's parents want her declared mentally incompetent in order to get custody. Charlie wants to dump her, but Alan insists on taking them both in. Jake doesn't enjoy the 8 year old's 'romantic' attention. Charlie hates the consolation kisses and compliments, and is stunned when Frankie prefers intimacy with Alan. Charlie rightly warns him he's just falling for his 'damsel in distress', but warns her not to hurt his kid brother.

17. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 17 - Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats)

Charlie is offended when Alan chooses his married, responsible cousins as Jake's guardians.

18. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 18 - An Old Flame with a New Wick)

Charlie's old flame, Jill, comes for a visit, she had an operation and is now called "Bill". Then Evelyn starts dating Bill.

19. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 19 - I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You)

Judith's sister Liz comes for a visit.

20. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 20 - Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark)

Jake plays electric guitar all day long and doesn't want to do anything else. Alan and Charlie can't figure out why. Jake refuses to discuss anything with anyone, including his grandmother and even a psychologist.

21. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 21 - No Sniffing, No Wowing)

Charlie tries to seduce Alan's divorce lawyer, Laura, and her assistant. He sleeps with Laura and they decide not to tell Alan anything since it's unethical, considering that Charlie is a participant in the case.

22. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 22 - My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet)

Charlie notices that Alan sleepwalks and tries to find out what's causing it and how to deal with it. He asks for help from their mother, Evelyn, and Jake's psychologist, Dr. Linda Freeman.

23. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 23 - Just Like Buffalo)

Jake repeats something Charlie says to Judith. Then Judith refuses to let Alan take Jake for the weekend. Alan tries to talk to Judith, but encounters resistance from Judith and her friends. It's up to Charlie to set things right.

24. Two and a Half Men (Season 1, Episode 24 - Can You Feel My Finger)

Charlie is sure he isn't ready for fatherhood after a year of trying to raise Jake, so he opts to have a vasectomy. But when the doctor performing the procedure keeps getting calls from his wife -- who's about to give birth -- Charlie starts to think about what fatherhood might entail and likes the idea, provided he still has his vital organs intact (in more ways than one).

25. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 1 - Back Off Mary Poppins)

Charlie is having some friends coming over to his house to have a gathering but Alan is not invited. Things got worse when Alan is also not invited to Judith's party even though her guests are Alan's friends.

26. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 2 - Enjoy Those Garlic Balls)

Alan is hurt after finding out Judith is seeing Jake's pediatrician. Meanwhile, Evelyn tries to find out why Charlie hates her

27. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 3 - A Bag Full of Jawea)

After Jake flips off his teacher, Alan and Judith move to punish him. Charlie, meanwhile, has other plans for Jake's teacher. Chaos ensues when Jake discovers the relationship and the increasingly overbearing Miss Pasternak tells Charlie she believes God brought them together.

28. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 4 - Go Get Mommy's Bra)

After Charlie reluctantly lends Evelyn his new car, he later discovers her bra in the back seat. Meanwhile, Alan is forced to compensate after Jake gets attached to Judith's rich and talented boyfriend.

29. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 5 - Bad News from the Clinic)

Charlie is dating a self-assured woman who plays hard to get, easily dismisses him, and he finds it disarming. Rose gets Charlie to see that his new lady-friend, Sherry, is in his head because she is just like him; a self-centered, manipulative, narcissist. Charlie debates breaking it off. Alan and Jake fiercely battle wills over Jake doing his homework.

30. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 6 - The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance)

After confessing responsibility for a childhood shoplifting incident blamed on Alan, Charlie seeks the forgiveness of his now infuriated brother.

31. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 7 - A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana)

Evelyn announces she is receiving an honor from the real estate industry and that Charlie and Alan will host a party in her honor. Mayhem ensues when Berta and her sister agree to cater the event, but sibling rivalry takes center stage.

32. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 8 - Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers)

Alan gets carried away with a woman he met at the supermarket, and it's up to Charlie to talk some sense into him while shielding Jake and Judith from what's going on.

33. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 9 - Yes, Monsignor)

Charlie runs into a newly-divorced ex, now single mom, who's willing to give him another shot. Back home, Jake tries to diagnose his learning problems.

34. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 10 - The Salmon Under My Sweater)

Charlie struggles to write a jingle for a new cartoon. Meanwhile, Alan spends time with Rose, and Jake procrastinates doing a book report.

35. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 11 - Last Chance to See Those Tattoos)

Charlie sets out to find who started a derogatory web site about him. Meanwhile, Alan overhears something he shouldn't on Jake's webcam.

36. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 12 - A Lung Full of Alan)

An old classmate is in town while Charlie and Alan spar over whom she likes more.

37. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 13 - Zejdz z Zmoich Wlosow)

Tensions rise after an earthquake displaces Judith to Charlie's house.

38. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 14 - Those Big Pink Things with Coconut)

Evelyn's condescending attitude towards Jake's good grades sets Charlie and Alan out for revenge.

39. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 15 - Smell the Umbrella Stand)

Charlie and Alan's weekend trip to Las Vegas has a little trouble getting off the ground.

40. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 16 - Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?)

It's the week of hell as Judith's out of town, Alan's got Jake, and nothing seems to be going right.

41. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 17 - Woo-Hoo, a Hernia-Exam!)

Berta teaches Jake something about cleanliness while Charlie's in pain after a sexual encounter went horribly wrong.

42. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 18 - It Was Mame, Mom)

Charlie cons Alan into being his date at his gay friend's dinner party. But how long can they keep up the act?

43. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 19 - A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise)

A freak food-flinging accident leaves Alan with impaired vision, which doesn't bode well especially when he draws a liking to one of Charlie's exes.

44. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 20 - I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey)

Rose intervenes after Alan and Charlie come to blows over some of their unresolved issues.

45. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 21 - A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On)

After one of her ex-husbands dies, Evelyn summons Alan, Charlie, and Jake to the funeral, where Charlie takes a keen interest in the widow.

46. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 22 - That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother)

Alan borrows money from Evelyn to buy a Porsche. However, life doesn't become as glamorous as he expects.

47. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 23 - Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab)

After finding out that Jake has spent the night at his other grandparents' house, Evelyn insists that Jake spend a night at her place. After convincing Jake to stay at her place, Alan and Charlie worry about how Jake will be affected by his overnight visit.

48. Two and a Half Men (Season 2, Episode 24 - Does This Smell Funny to You)

Jake recounts his weekend in which Charlie's latest fling is with a woman who turns out to be married to a now very angry old man.

49. Two and a Half Men (Season 3, Episode 1 - Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts)

After Alan falls off the roof, Charlie has to look after the adolescent and increasingly obnoxious Jake for the weekend.

50. Two and a Half Men (Season 3, Episode 2 - Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover)

Alan has to lobby the principal to keep Jake from getting expelled, while Charlie is left to manage the chiropractic office for the day.

51. Two and a Half Men (Season 3, Episode 3 - Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark)

After it's revealed Alan and Judith have been trying to reconcile, Charlie, Evelyn, and Rose vie for the role of spoiler.

52. Two and a Half Men (Season 3, Episode 4 - Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs)

Alan looks for a new place after he invites Berta to stay at Charlie's house, bringing the brothers to blows.

53. Two and a Half Men (Season 3, Episode 5 - We Called It Mr. Pinky)

Charlie's inability to reciprocate his girlfriend's love forces him to examine his relationships with women.

54. Two and a Half Men (Season 3, Episode 6 - Hi, Mr. Horned One)

Charlie's Satan-worshiping girlfriend has a knack for the supernatural, and seems to be the cause of some strange happenings around the Harper house.

55. Two and a Half Men (Season 3, Episode 7 - Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop)

Charlie gets drunk and sleeps with Rose on her birthday. Rose says she knows it's no big deal. But her father quickly shows up at Charlie's house, under the impression that they've been dating for two years.

56. Two and a Half Men (Season 3, Episode 8 - That Voodoo That I Do Do)

Charlie bribes Jake into taking ballet lessons so he can vie for the affections of the teacher. Things go awry, however, when Charlie and Jake find themselves competing for those affections.

57. Two and a Half Men (Season 3, Episode 9 - Madame and Her Special Friend)

Charlie's elderly neighbor has an uncomfortable business proposition for Alan.

58. Two and a Half Men (Season 3, Episode 10 - Something Salted and Twisted)

After Alan goes on a dinner with Jake, Charlie and Evelyn, he becomes fed up with seeking approval from women and decides to quit doing so with a little help from Charlie.

59. Two and a Half Men (Season 3, Episode 11 - Santa's Village of the Damned)

Alan's girlfriend Sandy is Malibu's answer to Martha Stewart, causing Alan and Charlie to pack on the pounds. Their desire for her fabulous culinary output is ultimately overwhelmed by her craziness.

60. Two and a Half Men (Season 3, Episode 12 - That Special Tug)

After a disastrous evening out with his brother, Charlie decides it is time to see a shrink.

61. Two and a Half Men (Season 3, Episode 13 - Humiliation Is a Visual Medium)

Charlie has to decide whether he can really commit to a serious relationship with Mia, especially when sex is currently off the agenda. Unsurprisingly, his suggestion that he sleep with other women in the meantime falls on somewhat stony ground.

62. Two and a Half Men (Season 3, Episode 14 - Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded)

As Charlie tries to receive his version of benefits from the relationship he has with Mia, Alan starts dating Charlie's most recent ex-girlfriend.

63. Two and a Half Men (Season 3, Episode 15 - My Tongue Is Meat)

Forced to hide in his garage to enjoy a brace of beers and half a Cuban cigar, Charlie's attempts to keep his unhealthy lifestyle habits secret from Mia fall apart when she smells bacon on his breath, resulting in their first major argument since taking their relationship to a physical plane.

64. Two and a Half Men (Season 3, Episode 16 - Ergo, the Booty Call)

Jake's twelfth birthday approaches. Alan is busy with young, hot Kandi.

65. Two and a Half Men (Season 3, Episode 17 - The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer)

Charlie is nominated for an award, but he knows his rival Archie will win, as usual, so he doesn't want to attend it. Rose asks Charlie to help her with her boyfriend Gordon.

66. Two and a Half Men (Season 3, Episode 18 - The Spit-Covered Cobbler)

Alan is having financial problems: Kandi is too "expensive" for him.

67. Two and a Half Men (Season 3, Episode 19 - Golly Moses, She's a Muffin)

Charlie learns that Kandi has been living with them for three weeks. It turns out he hasn't even noticed some furniture changes. Alan wants to try her as secretary, but Charlie doesn't think she's smart enough for that.

68. Two and a Half Men (Season 3, Episode 20 - Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro)

Alan is made to admit to Charlie, who keeps hitting it in, he has hit rock-bottom now that his brainless girlfriend Kandi has moved in with his ex. It's all so confusing that Jake would prefer dad's ladies to be lesbians, then tells him Kandi's ma Mandi has joined Charlie's endless list of sexual conquests. Alan can't talk to Kandi, she just repeats Judith's phrases, clearly without understanding the words, but he sees her dad, Mandi's ex Andy, arrive on blind date with his own ex Judith.

69. Two and a Half Men (Season 3, Episode 21 - And the Plot Moistens)

Alan turns to Jake's teacher for stimulating conversation, since Kandi obviously can't provide any. But the teacher starts to get the wrong idea about Alan's intentions.

70. Two and a Half Men (Season 3, Episode 22 - Just Once with Aunt Sophie)

Jake has his first boys-girls party, dating a smart girl, Wendy Cho. Alan was looking forward to coaching his son, but even Jake, who spends his schooldays watching the clock tick, isn't dumb enough to consider dating advice from the worst womanizer in L.A., while Charlie proves he can coach a virtually hopeless case -Alan and Judith's genes without the IQ- trough appearance, dance and anything else.

SERIES: Two and a Half Men

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